General Sports

Baseball’s Saddest Clown

There is a perpetual circus performing in Major League Baseball.  Every so often, between the lion tamers (Clemens, Pujols) and the trapeze artists (Ichiro, Eckstein), a clown emerges and steals the show.  This clown is very different from others in two respects: 1)his head—not his shoes—are clownish in size, and 2)he makes fans cry instead of laugh.  That’s right, its Bondzo the Clown!Last week’s hilarious routine: failing an ampetamines test and, in classic Bondzo fashion, blaming it on someone else.  Yes, its true.  Bondzo “accidently” stole illegal pills from teammate Mark Sweeney’s locker and  “unknowingly” swallowed a handful of them.  Or so he said, until he recanted his story in a public apology to Sweeney on Friday.  

This comes amid intense negotiations with the San Francisco Giants to keep Bondzo under the big tent for two more seasons and begs the question: Why in the world would any team pay to keep this aging cheater on their roster despite flurry after flurry of allegations and failed tests?

Answer: Money.  Bondzo and his people know that San Fran’s fans are the only ones who will pay to see him dog it in left field and crank dingers into the cove.  The Giants know that as Bondzo approaches the holy grail of Baseball—756 career home runs—ticket sales will skyrocket and merchandise will fly off the shelves faster than rawhide off a piece of pine swung 200 miles an hour by a “Giant”-headed steroid freak.  Its a win-win for everyone.  Except baseball.

The Giants’ organization is perfectly happy to allow the greatest travesty in baseball history to occur for the sole purpose of profit.  Imagine if the White Sox would’ve known that Shoeless Joe and his cohorts were planning on throwing the Series and not only did nothing about it, but encouraged it. That’s what the Giants are heading towards, and they’re loving every penny.  

So who’s the real clown?  Bondzo, or the team that allows him to perform his twisted routine?  Perhaps its Major League Baseball, the league that refuses to do the right thing and suspend Bondzo indefinitely.  On what grounds, you ask?  The same grounds that keep Pete Rose out of the Hall of Fame—disgracing the game of baseball.  

Unfortunately, ol’ Buddy boy (by whom I mean Selig) won’t do it.  The commish says his hands are tied and that until Bondzo tests positive for ‘roids, there’s little he’s able to do.  And with that assured, as they say in the circus biz:
Send in the Clown!

3 replies on “Baseball’s Saddest Clown”

great job  Dear johnnyrico,

    I liked your article because of the in depth analysis of the issue of steroids. I usually tend to enjoy reading most of your articles because of our common interests and views. Hope to see more of your stories soon!


P.S – respond back!!

comment Funny article. I liked it, but there are a couple confusing parts. Two edits from me: the milestone would be 756 not 757, and you spelled occur with two r’s.

Hey, anything bashing Bonds, the Giants, or steroids is fine by me!!

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