Random Thoughts

Pardon My Short Attention Span

What do sports writers and lazy journalism majors do when they have a deadline and no real story to turn in? Well, first they go to the bar. Then they fall back on the old standby: The “notes” column, or as some of our more clever ilk might call it, “Random Thoughts From a Random Mind.” Just string seven or eight different topics into one column. The suckers, er, I mean readers eat it up every time.If taking a shotgun and shooting it at a dinner plate can earn you a gold medal, then what’s the problem with riding a snowboard (very well, as the Americans do) to earn one as well?

Every male sportsjock I’ve seen on TV has boldly proclaimed that they’re not watching the Winter Olympics.  They’re all bald-faced liars. If they’re married, like I am, they’ll be watching figure skating. The Short, Medium, Long and Until Tax Day programs.

From the “No, we’re not hypocrites” department of our neighbours to the north:  Are Canadian hockey fans booing their women’s olympic team for running up the score like they did the American junior team for doing so last month in Vancouver? Just askin’ is all.  

This year’s NHL rookie class is the best since the original “Police Academy” movie.  Still, Michael Winslow is more well-known in the States than Dion Phaneuf will ever be.

Back to figure skating (hey, it’s only once every four years). Is there anyone happier that NBC is getting pro football back than announcer Tom Hammond? He definitely wins the Most Embarrased Sportscaster of 2006 award for his “Although figure skating is a sport of style and grace, underneath there is ‘toughness’ and ‘grit’.” This about a guy wearing sequins.  

There’s a reason I don’t watch the NBA.  It’s Antonio and Dale Davis. Between them they’ve played almost 2000 games, scored over 17,000 points and grabbed over 15,000 rebounds. Yet, they’ve probably moved around the court a total distance of  maybe 27 feet (21 of that was Antonio going into the stands).  I run more to get my newspaper every morning.  

Some key dates for those of us buried in all of that snow:  only 30 days until March Madness tips off, only 48 days until the first pitch is thrown, and just 215 or so shopping days until the first Troy Polamalu interception is overturned.

My new dream in life (besides writing smartass columns): hitting a 3-pointer in front of the Villanova student section.  During the Connecticiut game, they made the Cameron Crazies look like, i don’t know, a figure skating crowd. Ok, three is enough.  Sorry.

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