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Note to French: shove your p

The fashionable thing now in sports is to announce your retirement, wait a few weeks and then decide to make a comeback. As a slave to fashion, Lance Armstrong has been contemplating a comeback.“While I’m absolutely enjoying my time as a retired athlete with Sheryl and the kids, the recent smear campaign out of France has awoken my competitive side,” Armstrong said. “I’m not willing to put a percentage on the chances, but I will no longer rule it out.”

Just tell L’Equipe where they can put their `credible’ reports, drink a little champagne with Jacques Chirac and move on. They’re not worth it and frankly neither are the French. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not saying the whole country is a bunch of bloated dunderheads. You can call them whatever you want, but what it comes down to is their unwillingness to accept that an American is better at their sport than their own athletes.

It’s not ours, it’s theirs

Cycling is not our sport. Football, baseball and basketball are “ours.” But cycling is most certainly not ours.

Before Lance Armstrong cycling to Americans meant a half mile bike ride down to Denny’s for their sausage platter. Before Lance Armstrong the speed channel was only watched by die-hard NASCAR fans or by people who needed something to put them to sleep.

Cycling did not catch our interest the way it had caught on in other countries. It simply was not viewed as a competitive sport; people riding their bikes up mountains, down mountains, over endless stretches of flat roads…


He said it and he meant it

When Armstrong found out he had cancer he vowed to race again.

And he lived up to his word.

Just six weeks ago Lance Armstrong was declared the winner of the 2005 Tour de France and drank to his amazing achievement while pedaling down victory lane.

Now holding the all-time record with seven wins at the Tour de France with a stunning rock star fiancé on his arm and his three children cheering for their daddy, what more could a man want?

Apparently a lot more

His plan after winning this year’s tour was to spend some days “with a beer, having a blast” and spending some quality time with his children.

We all knew that Armstrong was not the type of person to sit around. Whether he is campaigning for the fight against cancer, involved with rigorous training with his Discovery Channel race team or stringing guitars for Sheryl Crow’s band, the man never stops moving.

So when he announced that he was not ruling out the possibility of a comeback it was a surprise because of the fact that it came so soon. Our timeline was waiting another few months before he began to talk about such goals.

Lance can only help cycling

Lance Armstrong is the best thing that has happened to cycling since the invention of the bicycle. However, if Lance wasn’t racing it’s doubtful that many people would watch the race to hear their hero’s color commentary for ten hours at a time.

By then we would all be chucking our Livestrong bracelets out the window and trying to find a channel broadcasting rugby.

His return would draw more people to the Tour and possibly keep them interested for years to come. Cycling equals horrible TV ratings but Lance Armstrong smoking every other rider in the race is front-page news.

A loyal following

Everyone (with the exception of the French) is rooting for Lance. He has had an outstanding career and is arguably one of the greatest all-time athletes, not just because of his accomplishments on his bike, but because of all the struggling it took him to amount to so much.

After all that he has done and the incredible pinnacle of success that he has achieved it would be a shame to see his legacy littered with the doping allegations.

The unsubstantiated claims by various trashy newspapers, the skeptics that release the `aboveboard’ claims of Lance’s steroid use.

Armstrong won’t back down

“I’m thinking it’s the best way,” to anger the French, he said in a recent newspaper interview. “I’m exercising every day.”

Armstrong despises the people making him out to be a cheater. He has repeatedly stated that he will have nothing to do with those kinds of people but when the steroid issue keeps rearing its ugly head, it becomes quite a task to ignore such horrible rumors.

To defend his name Lance has every right to ride again, and to win. If and when he does win, it may shut up French for a good long while. No matter how embarrassed they are because of his ability to wipe out their country’s competitors in their country’s race, they can’t deny that he is one hell of an athlete.

For more stories by Kent Summer, check out:

3 replies on “Note to French: shove your p”

comment A pate sucree is like a doughnut or techinically “sweetened dough”. But, this was a good article I really liked it, though I’m also wondering what the title has to do with it.

Wash the French down the Bo dee’ Great article.  Any time we can rip the French I’m all for it.  Bon journo!

Add acting to Lance’s repetorie, he did a funny cameo in the highly under-rated sports movie,  Dodge Ball.

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