Chicago Bears

An open letter to Duh Bears – Matt Waters

Dear Chicago Bears,

 You’re killing me Bears. Just killing me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a fan, just an interested observer who has resorted to rubber necking at you’re distorted franchise.

Where did it all go wrong?

Remember back in 2001, heady days than, when Mike Brown was making miracle interceptions in overtime on a seemingly weekly basis and Jim Miller guided by his formidable beard was leading you to an amazing 13-3 season?

What the hell happened?
We’ll skip over the Cade Mcknown disaster for now, whose most interesting contribution to the Bears might have been an adventurous night at the Play Boy Mansion, which ended with him trying to put the moves on fellow first round pick Tim Couch’s girlfriend. Besides, the last residue of that particular flop was washed off by that 2001 season. Now you had a mulligan. Now you were to build an Empire. The Monsters of the Midway were back!

No. Good God they weren’t.

First, you decide to take a big pass on a hungry Drew Bledsoe, who at least had one or possibly two more productive seasons in him.

Logic would state you had a young signal caller waiting in the wings, and you didn’t want the cement footed Bledsoe literally clogging up the pocket.


You signed Chris Chandler.

Obviously you were worried enough about Jim Miller’s chronic health problems to back him up with another injury plagued quarterback, in a sense playing Russian Roulette with this proud franchise.

And it didn’t exactly take a seer to observe what would happen next.

Miller got hurt. Big shock.
Chandler rode in a white horse. And than promptly fell off it. Ouch.

Who were you left with exactly?

The legend himself, a name synonymous with the other immortals that make their residence in the pantheon of N.F.L. greatness, the one and only Henry Burris.

Imagine being a Bear fan at this point. You’re season is going down the tubes. Henry Burris is now the guy taking snaps under center. Drew Bledsoe is having a marvelous season in Buffalo.

To be fair, you guys did suffer several other devastating injuries, especially to the defense in 2002, putting the Q.B. mess a bit more under the radar.  

I sympathize.

 2002 was an unrequited disaster, but one that could have been recovered from.  This was a franchise that could be salvaged, with of course a new quarterback. It was you’re job to find a franchise player who could be a stabilizing influence. He would have to be a good decision maker and support an offense that would allow the running game to thrive. A dependable, grizzled vet.

When a fan thinks of these phrases, many names come to mind.


I’ll tell what we don’t think.


 Kordell Stewart. A mistake prone, unpredictable,insanely maddening quarterback.

He made throwing into triple coverage on a desperate scramble part of the game plan.

 In classic Bears fashion, you went the whole nine to secure Kordell. You promised him that he would be their guy for the present and future.

And than you followed that up by drafting Rex Grossman, a move which emboldened Stewart to question the organization’s commitment to him. Surely, this was the way you made a player feel welcome, the way to establish trust between the locker room and the front office.

 In a shocking development to absolutely no one besides people inside the owner’s box, Stewart did not thrive in the you’re rinky-dink offense, mockingly called the run-and Shoop after the team’s beleaguered offensive coordinator, who at times made Paul Hackett look like Bill Walsh.

So another season went down the drain, and all the while the core of you’re superb defense aged another year. Mike Brown, Brian Urlacher, and R.W. McQuaters all had great seasons for naught.

But surely there had to be a silver lining in all of this.

The problem was, it was a hard to find one. The remolded Stadium did not exactly receive rave reviews, as one old time fan complained that it “looked like they landed a Space Ship on the old Solider Field!”

Anthony Thomas, who looked like a Franchise Running Back only two seasons prior, now resembled a cement truck attempting to roll through a jam packed parking lot while slogging to evade the rush between tackles.

The only real hope to for a Bears fan to stake his claim to was Rex Grossman, and that him and new Coach Lovie Smith could create a new era.

So, you’ve got a second year Q.B. who hasn’t taken many snaps. The smart thing to do would be to obviously find a steady back up, the kind of guy who isn’t a house hold name but does his job well, helping out in certain spots and always being supportive. Most importantly, the guy would have to be able to play decently if called into action. Once again, many names are associated with this type of player.


I’ll tell you a name that we the fans don’t think of:


Jonathan freaking Quinn.

How stupid could you be? Is Rex Grossman the second coming of Dan Marino? Did he simply not need a decent back up? [Even Marino had Scott Mitchell around to hold a clipboard, and of course the back up of back ups Don Strock]

Or maybe you aren’t that stupid. You can be simply cheap. Can this be true? Were you willing to simply concede the season if Grossman got shelved for any period of time? Is that why you signed a cheaper option in Quinn?

Once again, it wouldn’t take a seer to observe what happened next [man, I feel for Bears fans]

Grossman blows out his knee scrambling for a futile touchdown, and Jonathan Quinn is now you’re starter.

Congrats Bears, your season is now officially over.

It didn’t matter how valiantly you’re defense played, even without it’s two leaders Brown and Urlachler.

It didn’t matter that you plugged Craig Krenzel in, who was greener than barf on St. Patrick’s Day.

So, did you learn a lesson from the 2004 experience? Did you realize, maybe, just maybe, we should address the back up Quarterback situation this off-season?

Well, the results of this preseason speak for themselves. Grossman went down again. And like a guy who tries to put a blazing fire out with a cold can of beer, you just made the problem worse.

Instead of simply leaning on you’re impressive D and letting Jeff Blake manage the game and possibly the team to 10 wins, you’ll allow Kyle Orton to play the role of Craig Krenzel.

We’ll see if Orton shocks the world and shows himself to be the number one draft pick he was projected as, and not the status of a fourth round choice that he earned through his play as a senior.

Good luck Chicago, because from the look of it, you need all the help you can get.

Sincerely yours,

An impartial Viewer

By mw2828

Matt Waters is a screenwriter currently living in New York. He has been writing about sports since age seventeen, about the time when it became painfully apparent that his athletic dreams would go unfulfilled, due to terrible luck and an obscene lack of talent. His favorite movie is “The Thin Red Line”. His favorite band is “Modest Mouse”. His favorite sport is baseball! With an exclamation point.

3 replies on “An open letter to Duh Bears – Matt Waters”

Very funny You got my vote because I got a lot of chuckles while reading it, especially about Kordell Stewart.  Sad that all that is true though.

Haha Kordel’s throwing into triple coverage as part of game plan.  <—– Thats called Midwest Coast Offense. 🙂 But sadly Bears fans will be wishing for Kordel about week 6. hehe  GO LIONS!!!!

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