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Sharapova’s Screams Less Sexy When They’re Coming from the Crapper

[editor’s note: last night, I was discussing how womens tennis is a lot more watchable now than in the recent past because of players like Maria Sharapova, Jelena Dokic,and Daniela Hantuchova. Well, thanks to DJ Gallo over at Sports Pickle, Sharapova is a little less sexy.]

Tennis star Maria Sharapova’s status as a sex symbol has only grown thanks to her habit of on-court grunting, moaning and screaming with each shot – noises that sound more suited to a porno soundtrack than a professional tennis court.

But the 18-year old beauty doesn’t refrain from screaming in other avenues of her life either, eliciting grunts and moans while doing everything from lifting a milk carton to signing an autograph. And even when – and especially when, according to reports – taking a dump.
“If people knew what Maria was really like outside of the spotlight, I can guarantee you she would not be thought of as a sexual icon,” said Justin Henin-Hardenne. “She has some absolutely heinous habits in the bathroom. I’ve actually seen other players get nauseous and throw up after listening to her take a bowel movement in the locker room. It’s like: `Eeeeee-ahhh … plop … Ghhhhhh-ahhhhh … splish … Mmmmm-ooooooo … plap … Aaaaaa-ohhhh … kerplunk.’ And I won’t even go into what her wiping routine sounds like. She is utterly disgusting.”

“As though her screaming on the court isn’t distracting enough,” said Amelie Mauresmo, “but then she has to do it everywhere else, too. She’ll pick up her bag – `Eeeee-ahhh’ – then open the zipper – `Mmmm-baaaa’ – then put it back down again – `Ruh-oooh.’ Completely absurd. And that’s just one example. But the worst part is in the bathroom, no doubt. It’s gotten to the point that if I see her heading for a stall I leave the locker room for a while. I’d listen to my iPod, but I can hear her grunting over top of that even.”

Sharapova claims she has no idea that she screams – on or off the court.

“I apologize if it’s bothersome to other people, but it’s something that I don’t even know that I’m doing,” she said. “I guess it just comes natural to me and helps me focus on the task at hand. But I do think it’s a bit rude for people to be commenting on how I conduct myself when doing No. 2. That’s very personal.”

Sharapova’s father, Yuri, who has guided his daughter’s career and helped her become both a success on the court and off with millions in endorsement earnings, expressed concern the details of Maria’s commodal exclamations could hurt her earning potential.

“Nobody wants to buy a camera or a pair of shoes from someone who has a reputation for screaming when crapping,” said Yuri Sharapova. “That’s something I’ll have to address with her.”

But it’s already too late for many of Sharapova’s competitors on the WTA Tour.

“The fact that she is viewed and marketed as a sex object just blows my mind,” said Lindsay Davenport. “I don’t know what is considered to be sexy and ladylike in Russia, but I know that in the U.S. and everywhere else it’s not all that attractive to scream and grunt every time you squeeze out a log.”

Article courtesy of Sports Pickle.

2 replies on “Sharapova’s Screams Less Sexy When They’re Coming from the Crapper”

Sharapova … crapper The image of Lindsay Davenport saying, “… squeeze out a log” was priceless. When she retires, I’m certain ESPN will pick her up as a commentator — and every time I hear her, I’ll think of her saying this!

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