Imagine you’re David Stern. You trot out superstar after superstar trying to fill the shoes of Michael Jordan. Still, all of them fail for one reason or another. Vince Carter – no killer instinct; T-Mac – no heart; Kobe – too arrogant, flawed; Tim Duncan – too boring. So how do you fix the NBA? You make a team worthy of winning the championship.
Despite the claims that Detroit is boring and numerous experts bemoaning of the death of the NBA, these Finals are giving the league back some of its credibility. So here’s the conspiracy. You make it look like the league is doing everything possible to give LA another championship. Then you let the good guys win. You smile for the camera and say, “see, the NBA is a level playing field.” If this is the latest NBA conspiracy, I’m all for it.
The problem with the Detroit Pistons isn’t the lack of a superstar, it’s the lack of any real villains. Your two most likely candidates are `Sheed, king of technical fouls, and Larry Brown, king of late night moving vans. That’s it? That’s all you got for me? No Bill Lambier. No Isiah Thomas. Hell, I actually like this team. Like the Bible says, let he who is without sin cast the first stone. (Oww! What the F?!… Listen, O.J, just because you don’t think you killed anyone doesn’t mean you can start throwing shit at people.)
`Sheed has toned it down and Larry is who he is. When you hire LB, you know, or should know, exactly what you’re getting. (It’s like the “serial overlapper”, the girl who always has another boyfriend before she’s through with her current one. Do you seriously think you’re going to be the guy that she stays faithful to? Good luck on that one.) Unlike most Philly fans, I have no problem with Larry. Sure, he screwed us and left us with a team we’ll be trying to rebuild for years but at least he took us to the Finals for the first time in almost 20 years. Let’s say you get to bang a supermodel but you are left with a case of the clap (or Derrick Coleman), would you take it? It goes away eventually and you have good memories for the rest of your life. I’d take that trade.
Back to the Pistons, a true underdog story. Someone, I’m sure, will write a very eloquent think piece on a mid-level basketball team that surpassed their potential. I’ll simply list these facts. Ben Wallace – undrafted out of Virginia Union. Rip Hamilton – first rounder given up on by the Wizards. Chauncey Billups – former third overall draft pick, given up on by the Boston Celtics. A group of players cast aside, who “play the game the right way”, on the verge of winning an NBA championship. Not bad. Not bad at all.
It still remains to be seen whether the Pistons can take it all but they are sitting pretty right now. If the Lakers somehow manage to come back from down 3-1, expect the devil to instantly claim Phil Jackson’s soul and the conspiracy theorists to come out in full force. Of course, like I said earlier, David Stern won’t let this happen. And as we know, Stern has more pull than the devil.
Random Thoughts
· Who is the Detroit PA announcer? Perhaps the worst ever.
· I love the story of how “Flop” Fisher got the veterans together to ask Phil Jackson to let them start. Of course, Phil, being an asshole, ignored them.
· I’m not sure what WifeSwap is exactly but it has the potential to outdo Fox for trashiest show of all time. Also, didn’t they steal this idea from Chappelle?
· In this WNBA commercial, I’m not sure what shitty product is being forced upon us more, Fefe Dobson or the WNBA. “Give it Up”? Perfect theme song. Just give it up. No one cares.
· Excuse me, Tom Tolbert? K-Mart called, they want their tablecloths back.
· Remember when tattoos were rebellious? Luke Walton’s tattoo has to be the most acquiescent ever. When your dad is Bill Walton, that’s like having Simon and Garfunkle tattooed on your chest.
· Malone’s daughter is kind of hot but what is Michelle Tafoya’s problem? What do you think a championship would mean to Karl, Michelle? How do you think she’d answer this question? “Doesn’t mean much.” God help us if this is the quality of sideline reporting we can expect on MNF.
· Do you see ABC working? Every chance they get, they show the HDTV in the luxury box. The question is, who is paying for that shot, Best Buy or Circuit City?
· Did Devean George used to front Fine Young Cannibals?
