(originally posted January 26, 2004)
Just when I thought it was going to be a slow week, (Sportscolumn.com is not officially recognizing this year’s Super Bowl as an actual game. This is similar to last year when the football season, for all intents and purposes, ended with the Conference championships.) Page Six is reporting that it has a copy of a sex tape starring Dr. J.
While clamoring to be amongst the first to view the Paris Hilton sex tape (and I know some of you readers have seen it… you know who you are), SC has no interest whatsoever in the Dr. J tape. I don’t need one of my childhood heroes ingrained into my memory as a porn star. Well, besides the actual pornstars who were my heroes, that is.
According to Page Six, the tape was shot several years ago and involved a “voluptuous”, (in my best Buffalo Bill voice: “… was she a great big fat person?”) “dark-haired young woman with cinnamon skin wearing a negligee.” Now, I know the NY Post is not known for being high-brow, but “cinnamon skin”? What is this, a letter to Penthouse? The Post added “and then a friend appeared in nothing but a thong and asked to join the party.” No, wait…I made the last part up. Been watching too much Cinemax.
Apprently the tape was delivered in the midst of messy divorce hearings that has the ex-wife accusing the Doctor of not paying the alimony he has been ordered to by a Florida court. The payment is $1,500 a month, plus household expenses, plus $8,000 a month in credit card bills. Jesus! Talk about a consumer culture. Well, you can have $1,500 a month to, like, save or something but here’s $8,000 in credit card bills. At least we know guilt money is keeping our economy afloat.
Didn’t Dr. J see the Tonya Harding video? Athletes not named Anna Kournikova should not be making porn videos. As a matter of fact, most people shouldn’t be making porn videos. I have nothing against porn but the truth of the matter is that the majority (99%) of the world is unattractive. I don’t even want to see these people in daily regular life. I absolutely don’t want to see them butt naked doing the nasty. Here’s a tip: if you think it’s a good idea to tape anything, it’s not. Birthdays, vacations, criminal activities, parties, sex. Either no one really cares or it’s going to come back to haunt you.
Poor Paris
Just when things were starting to die down over her sex tape, this scandal has everyone mentioning it again. You can’t talk about a sex tape without noting that it has been done recently but the hotel heiress. And now there’s a rumor floating around about a menage a trois involving Paris. I imagine someone has already registered ParisHilton3some.com.
I tell you what. The world is a scary, twisted place. Maybe the Amish have it right. Maybe technology isn’t all that good after all.
